Seventeen

i have always thought that birthdays aren’t that much of a huge thing, and it’s not worth of a celebration. i didn’t consider birthdays any other different from my casual days, because age is just numbers, right? nothing changes just because i reached a certain of number on my life.

but this time it feels different. 12 am, just like my usual birthdays, my family called me to the living room, opened up the cake box (that i already know they bought beforehand), told me to slice the cake, and ate together. but somehow, it feels different. probably after my mom said that she couldn’t believe her first daughter reached seventeen, she said that the last time she remembered, i was just her little baby that got fooled over her playful tricks. she said she wishes me all the happiness in the world, and that i will get all the things that i need in life. simple words, but it really touches my heart.

i’m now seventeen. nothing much changes, but surely i am now a legal citizen, that leads on having more independent responsibilities. nothing much changes, but in a year i would go to college, probably in another town, and live on my own. in a few years i would sink more in my own world, without the interference of my parents. nothing much changes but im now grown. and my parents are getting older too. and its making my heart ache.

for my seventeenth birthday, i don’t want much. i want myself to keep the dynamics i’ve been having for the past years. a slow, but steady growth. a healthy mindset. though sometimes it gets dark, i have always successfully get myself back on the track. i want to always be myself, the emotional, sensitive, understanding me. i’m far from being great, but its better than last year.

my second wish is that, the people around me to be always happy. to be surrounded with much of positive energies. for my mom and dad and brothers to be healthy, safe, and sound. for my friends to fulfil their ambitions and to stay in touch with me for a long, long time. for all the people that i care about acknowledge that they have at least one person that wants them to always be happy, and that person is me.

seventeen years of living. seventeen years of my parents taking care of me. seventeen years of ups and downs. i have experienced so much emotions, fears, changes. all those moments, they are the things that shaped me into who i am right now, both the good ones and the bad ones. i am so grateful, for all of them.

i am now seventeen. next year i will be eighteen. twenty years later i will be on my late thirties. the same age as my parents right now. i don’t know what the world has prepared for me, but right now i am really curious with it & i will face everything with a healthy mindset, just like what a healthy seventeen years old should be.

with these little steps that are piling up of mine, they will form a firm path one day. on some days i probably won’t be as positive as myself right now, but it’s okay. all i need to do is to build up the courage to walk again, and overcome the negativity.

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You fill my lungs with sweetness and you fill my head with you — Shall I write it in a letter?